Infinity and Paradox

To moderate oneself is to split into two entities: the Governor and the Governed.

When I attempt to act as my own moderator, I immediately encounter the problem of bias in defense of my cause. In the context of modern society, my “cause” is often the preservation of comfort or the justification of my existing habits. The mind is a masterful lawyer, capable of framing indulgence as a necessity and discipline as a cruelty.

How can the intellect, which is currently bathed in the very dopamine imbalance it seeks to cure, be trusted to oversee the detoxification? This is the dilemma of the seeker: I am a doctor attempting surgery on my own hands.

When I am “polluted” by the noise of modern hyper-stimulation, the quality of my awareness becomes jagged. The moderation I seek is an attempt to return to a state of resonance, quality, yet the instrument I use to tune myself — my will — is the very thing that is out of tune.

Can I be the moderator myself?

This implies a search for an objective standpoint within a subjective experience. Whenever I step into the role of the moderator, I am not entering a neutral space. I am bringing with me the history of my cravings and the subtle, subconscious mandates of a culture that profits from my lack of restraint.

The bias is the gravity of the ego. Just as a massive object warps the spacetime around it, my desires warp my logic. To be myself the moderator is to risk a closed loop where the ego rebrands its compulsions as balanced to avoid the pain of genuine transformation. This is the ultimate defense of the “cause”— the cause of remaining unchanged.

A state of excess is a state of “noise” that prevents the localized consciousness from experiencing the quiet depth of the underlying reality.

Moderation, then, is the art of reducing the volume of the individual ego so that the deeper melody of existence can be heard. The bias I fear is the ego’s attempt to keep the volume high. To truly moderate, I must transcend the “I” that seeks the reward. I must find a point of observation that is deeper than my personal cause.

Is there a way out of the bias?

Perhaps the answer lies in the realization that I cannot be a moderator in the sense of a judge standing apart from the trial. Instead, I must become the process of moderation itself.

In the hyper-stimulated modern life, the seeker discovers that the only way to avoid the bias of the “cause” is to make the “cause” the pursuit of clarity rather than the pursuit of satisfaction. The paradox remains: I am the moderator, the moderated, and the bias. But within this trinity, there is a spark of universal awareness that sees the game.

We must acknowledge that we are biased participants, and in that humble acknowledgment, the bias does begin to lose its power. The “cleansing” is not a destination I reach once chemicals like dopamine have settled; it is the perpetual effort to watch the scale, knowing it is tilted, and ask:

What is this if not to discover oneself deeply?

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